A Moment of Solitude

(Written on Friday afternoon, 8/6)


"When we cannot bear to be alone, it means we do not properly value the only companion we will have from birth to death - ourselves."  ~Eda LeShan


This upcoming weekend I have the kids all to myself while Dave does the NYC Triathlon. (Addendum added 8/8/11 - Dave finished #95 out of over 6,000 racers. Who's better than our Daddy??!! I mean, seriously?!)

(Running a race with 40 lbs of kid...and fast.)

Because I'm fortunate enough to have a husband who is a very devoted and hands-on father, I am happy that he takes time to do these races the few times he wants during the year. 

I also know he does them far less than he would really like so he can spend time with our family and that means a lot to me.

(Dave's Father's Day breakfast in bed. He said his perfect gift

would be for us all to run a race together which we did.)

(Dave winning across three categories. He's an animal.)

As much as I am looking forward to being with the kids, it's been a rough week and my fingers are crossed that it is actually light I see down at the end of that deep, dark tunnel. 

Because I want to be my best, fully present and calm Mommy for this weekend, I took care of myself today. I got a sitter to come early so I could strike some tasks on my to-do list and take a yoga class on my favorite orange mat from my favorite girl, Kiersten. 

While in the class I said a silent prayer thanking God that I had the funds to hire a sitter and the physical ability to take this class.


Although I loved every minute of becoming that zen state-of-mind, it dawned on me that I like being alone, not in a room surrounded by strangers. Now, if you know me you know that my three rules are, your teeth can never be too white, you can never be too skinny tan skinnytan*, and you can never have too many people at a party but, sometimes I just need to be by myself.


Even though I love being surrounded with lots of family and friends at all times, I know myself enough to know that I also need time to be alone and I certainly have fallen short on taking care of that side of me over the past couple of years. 


Do you get enough ME time? When do you escape from it all for an hour or even five minutes? 


My message to you is to reward yourself for all that you do for everybody else and take some much needed  time for yourself. No cell phone, TV or computer--just let yourself BE. I think you would enjoy what you would learn about yourself with no distractions.


I'm signing off now as I've just kicked off my shoes since my kiddies are finally asleep and I'm going to escape to our beautiful back yard where the only sounds I'll hear are gentle breezes blowing our wind chimes (thank you Frank and Barbara!), soft chirping birds, the faint creaking of the glider as it moves back-and-forth, and the clinking of ice cubes as they melt in my tall glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade (full disclaimer: they're won't be any ice cubes because our ice maker is broken and there won't be any lemonade until after nap time when my plans are to teach Hunter how to make real pink lemonade squeezed by his own hands but, until then, a girl can dream). 

(This is my friend Debra pulling our kids in the Radio Flyer wagon 

in our back yard this summer.)

After my time of solitude I'll emerge a better Mommy haven taken care of myself and ready for a weekend full of adventure whether it be rough or smooth. 


(After nap lemonade making.)

 (Squeezing those lemons with all his might.)

 (In the nude of course.)

 (Sissy didn't quite understand that you only needed the juice and not the whole lemon.)

 (I had no idea that there was Cranberry juice in pink lemonade.....

or that you only get about 1/2 cup of juice from 45 lemons.)

 (I wanted to be authentic so we did use real lemon juice.)

 (These adorable sugars are from Le Chic Bakery on etsy.)

  (Sissy was really good at dropping the sugar cubes in...)

 (....and fishing them out.)

(Tiny hands make the best lemonade!)

I have a feeling it's going to be a great weekend!

"It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts."  ~K.T. Jong


*I've changed my viewpoint on this one in the last couple of years but it still sounds funny to say it. 

Big Bird & the Baby Book

While having a cathartic afternoon of cleaning my basement (you do not need to see visuals of this), I came across this little gem.

It may look a little yellowing and decrepit but, I'm so happy I opened it up. 

For the next half hour I became completely lost in reading it, turning page after page as it rested on top of the washing machine, and laughed so hard I got an ache on my right side.

It became evident to me that his book, my baby book, was a true labor of love. I can only imagine the countless hours that went into creating this keepsake that is so meaningful and beautiful that I doubt I would have appreciated the value of it unless I was a mother myself.

Among first birthday cards, a "No Cavities!" award from my childhood dentist who has since passed away,  a 1974 church bulletin for a Sunday Night Revival Service that listed me as the newest addition to the church family, baby gift lists and inspiration for my daughter's future room, I came across these treasures:

(Per my mom's notes) "A picture of the clown (Daddy) and Mama - since Mama is pregnant it's easy to see who it who."

As I have wondered if I should be worried about my daughter's love of white wine, I see things like this and I know she's going to be OK. (Insert picture I came home with as a four year old.)

(Per Mom's notes, "Notice anything Daddy?")

I laughed hysterically, tears rolling down my face and then I read the small note tucked just beneath my Matisse written to my Montessori teacher from my mom:

     Marian,

     I do not know if this will be of any news to you but lately Brooke has had an insatiable desire to learn  to print letters. She is constantly asking Gerald or myself to sit and watch/help her print. So far she has learned B, b, H, t, o & E.

The letter goes on to ask if Marian and the other teachers could possibly work with me on related activities since my desire was deep. I love that it was signed, "Brooke's mom, Julia".

It made me smile because I immediately thought of my own first born and his insatiable appetite for letters.

 (Drawing letters on the driveway is a daily activity.)

 (He loves directing Mommy, Daddy and babysitters what letters and words to write.)

(How he decorated his first Easter egg this year.)

One day I told the kids I was going to build them a fort to watch a movie in. I asked them if they wanted a big or little fort. Hunter informed me he wanted a "letter fort". 

 And a letter fort is what he got.

Lately he has been doing a lot of spelling. "N-O spells no, O-N spells on, M-O-M spells mom" all day long. One day he was doing this and then said with full confidence, "V-Q spells gas!". I let him believe that, yes, V-Q does spell gas.

A few more pages into my baby book I came across notes my mom made on who I was as a four year old:  "very prissy, hardheaded, loves Donny & Marie Osmond, Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers, Muppet Show, Little House on the Prairie, can carry on a delightful conversation, loves to color and draw, best friend is Sarah McGee, and is an absolutely wonderful sister to Josh as she shares easily and unselfishly."

These traits sound very much like two little people I know (other than the unselfish sharing.)

Me and my little bro.

 (Josh, I always knew I loved you rainbows and chocolate!)

Apparently, even as a four year old I loved to just put it out there. My mom says that one night while she was rocking me, pregnant with my youngest brother, I had the gall to say, "Mommy, your baby is big. You know how I know that? Your tummy is so grouchy!"

I also insisted that the baby was going to be a girl and her name would be Akaleisha. It turns out Akaleisha was a boy and thank goodness my parents didn't let me have the final say in his name.

 (My very good looking brother who I'm thankful for and 

I'm sure he's even more thankful my parents didn't take my advice on a name.)

With just a few more minutes to spare before the kids woke up, I leafed through the remainder of the book. I smiled with delight at one of the last excerpts because it sums me up best. 

(Per my Mom's notes) "Brooke asks me where her toy box is. I tell her in her room. She asks, 'what color is it?' and I tell her 'yellow, red and blue'. She smiles, claps her hands and says, 'very good, that is right!'". 

See? I always wanted to be a Mommy I just didn't know it for a long time. 

Oh, and did you know that snow actually is God's sand? That's what my mom told me when I was just over a year old. I like it and I think I'm going to pass that onto my own kids when they begin to tire of the thick, fluffy snow that frequents our northeastern yard during the cold winter months. 

Mom, thanks for working so hard to create such a special keepsake for me and my children. I hope they will read and relish this online memoir as much as I have enjoyed learning about my own young self. I love you!

P.S. Look what arrived in a box from Grammy the week I discovered my baby book. My childhood winter hat. Its been the favorite item of the week at our house.

"I don't want to grow up. 

I like being little."

-Sylvia, age 3, excerpt from A Child's World

Josh, baby Emerson, Grammy and a still-very-prissy me.

I'll Take Mine Bent, Thanks

The majority of people feel more comfortable when things are smooth, even, undistorted and straight as an arrow. Nothing is more annoying than when you're dining in a restaurant and your table wobbles (sugar packets anyone?).

Life seems easier when our kids and coworkers walk a straight line. Our moms always told us to "stand up straight". And wouldn't it be nice if there were a manual with clear directions for raising kids?

Straight is defined in the dictionary as with a bend, angle or curve; not curved; direct: a straight path. 

Ah, wouldn't life be so much easier if there was a guide book to that path? If God would shine a bright light down on just where we needed to go and what we needed to do? But as I get older I am learning that straight isn't always perfect and I need the bends to teach me how to be more straight and make life more adventurous. 

I remember my mom once saying, "if we were all exactly alike life would be boring".

I didn't understand it then but, now I do and am so glad for the bends in people and in life. Because of this, when we do go back south to visit family and friends I appreciate them more than I ever did and when we encounter bumps along the way; which we always do, I get frustrated and upset like most people but when I later reflect on it, it teaches me something that "bumps" me back on that right path. 

Without sharing all of the bumps and bends, I'll tell you about the rest of our Georgia vacay. 

On our last morning at Grammy's she fixed us a delicious breakfast which included yogurt, fruit and granola parfaits. As you can see, they were a huge hit. 

So much so that Hunter had to put his feet up on the table to further indulge while continually looking up at Grammy to say "Mmmmmm!"

After breakfast we headed to my BFF's house. She and her son Hayden were waiting for us at the end of the driveway when we arrived which is always the best when you arrive at someone's house. It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

We played some basketball,

saw Hayden's cool new (real!) camper, and rode in his Jeep which was ideal for hilly roads.

 Hayden was so helpful with Emerson. I kept getting tickled at the way he carried her. Normally she would have been yelling at the top of her lungs but she didn't seem to mind Hayden doing it at all.

(It just goes to show that some bends in the road we don't mind taking because of who we're with.)

 I think she might have a little thing for him.

 Dave was so sweet and offered to take the kids on up to his parents' house so I could get some one-on-one with my bestest friend in the whole wide world.

(Meet Jennifer. My go-to girl when my road gets a little bumpy.)

Not only is she gorgeous but she is witty, smart, an amazing decorator, seamstress, 

and one of the world's best Mommas.

(My kids love when she gets their "num nums".)

 (I caught this sweet moment when Hayden was playing with Jennifer's hair. 

You can tell he appreciates what an amazing mom she is.)

Not only is she a great mom but she has raised a son that is more powerful than a locomotive and can leap tall buildings in a single bound all while only being equipped with a backpack, plastic suction cup gun, powerful net-ball-catcher and a cute boy scowl. Arrrghhhh!!!

 (More importantly, he is generous, kind, thoughtful and polite.)

After a long fun stay at my favorite girl's house, she and Hayden took me to see their Daddy's new business. I was very impressed! He joined us for the ride out to Dave's parents house where the favorite activity was watering the plants....and the deck....and our feet....and our clothes.

 (Emerson loves Hayden's daddy too.)

 (Big Brother and his perpetual runny nose which is endearing.)

Hayden is a great teacher and Sissy loved learning new things from him. I think she secretly wishes he was a big brother.

 The weather and scenery were so nice than we spent a lot of time on the deck. Hunter loved having a full view of nature's best work.

We enjoyed some of BaBa's beer cheese dip (this stuff will make you weak in the knees its so good!) and delicious brownies then said our goodbyes.

 Some (little) people don't seem to get the importance of finding the ultimate photo op spot (case in point--cool tree below). The adults were right on cue but the kids weren't having it.

 (The tree was having its fun with the photo too.)

After a short drive, we met up with P-Pa and Kiki at the lake house they had reserved for our mini-getaway-vacation. 

(With Kiki there is always dancing involved which we love!)

 (This is one of Hunter's current favorites. 
He loves when someone lifts him into the air so he can say, "Hunter jump!".)

And anything Big Brother does.....

After putting the kids down for bed, I coerced everyone else into watching a movie with me since it had been a very, very long time since I'd see one and I'm a movie-lovin' girl. We all got a good night's rest and then were up bright and early for some breakfast....

 (G-Pa's name became P-Pa. Hunter liked the sound of that better I guess.)

...and a little one-on-one time with Bailey (a.k.a the other baby in this family).

Hunter even shared his Puppy and sippy with Bailey which is something he only does with those he truly loves.

Sissy chose to stay on the sidelines as Bailey's bark and size seemed a little too big.

 

After breakfast we headed to the lake for some fun.  

 Kiki put on a seaweed mustache and deep man voice that Hunter found hilarious.

Hmmm, does a lake even have seaweed? Which brings up what we debated that week....what exactly is floating in the lake? 

Julie's daughter Keri and her husband Dave joined us with their little cutie who was also trying to figure out what that green stuff was.

Emerson was very intrigued at the hide-and-seek game Daddy was playing with her.

 

 (My stepsister who is a gorgeous mom.)

Our little peanuts are only nine days apart. 

 Adorable picture alert:

 After showers and some eats we sat on the front screened porch and enjoyed the swing, rocking chairs....

 (A new friendship was blossoming and it was so cute to watch.)

...and wine.

(Meet my new glass which I felt was totally appropriate for me.)

I love me some Sissy smiles.

 ...and sombers,

...and sippys.

 While I was busy fussing with my camera, little found something she likes.

 See that smile? Wondering if I should be worried about this?

 Fortunately, Daddy saved the day with a favorite distraction.

The day ended with more good food, fun conversation, and a lot of this......

The rest of the vacation had some minor bumps and curves but fun conversation, great food and a whole lotta love was hero.

(As babies we comfortably rely on fingers and thumbs for comfort. 

Yet, as adults we tend to look to outside sources instead of relying confidently on some part within us.)

Caution: cute hinney alert.

Inside we had very busy toddlers practicing newly acquired skills,

(Something that is so nice about staying in a rental is that when their windows are dirty,

you don't feel even a tinge of guilt.)

while outside we had one very busy spider. (I wonder how many twists and turns his road takes him?)

Meanwhile, one cute little girl headed back to the pool for adventure.

(She tests the scales between being very independent....)

(...and not quite sure of herself.)

(Not quite sure of the road before her she will cry or whine to make sure 

someone she loves will be there to give a hand if she chooses to take it.

As an adult I find myself doing this too sometimes. You know you can do it but,

in case you fall, you want to know that person you trust is going to catch you.)

(I love how long her hair is getting and those sweet curls.)

And adventure she got.

It's not as often but, I love me some Sissy scrunch-nose when I can get it.

P-Pa, Kiki and her mom, MeMoo, soon joined us at the pool.

Hunter took his first dive off the diving board. It was a road not yet traveled and a little bumpy since he didn't know what laid beneath him. He hesitated at first....

and a little more,

and just a wee bit longer to make sure he was ready.

Then he took the plunge,

and he's never looked back since!

(Pretty proud of this photo I got.)

With straight roads you always know what you're gonna get. But, with bends in the road, you have excited anticipation of what's to come just around the corner--great triumph, a sense of accomplishment, a new fulfilling relationship, or that next delicious snack.

When you let yourself go and take those unexpected turns, you may encounter accidents, scrapes and bruises or learn someone has moved your potty but, the longer you ride that road the more comfortable and better you get.

Sure, life would be easy if we had direct access to that straight path in life. But, I think I'll take my road bent, curvy and bumpy.  Although I will regularly face the unknown, I am confident its a path that will lead me straight to a life of adventure. (Thank you P-Pa and Kiki for our awesome vacay in Bent Tree! Can't wait to do it again! And, to the rest of our family and friends--so happy we are riding this bumpy road in life together! WE LOVE YOU!)

Now click on this link, listen to the song, reread this post and leave me a comment about what bend in the road you are looking forward to next.