Lately I've been a little stuck. Wondering why I'm where I am and what I'm doing here. (Please tell me someone else feels this way at least once a year?)
Times where I'm feeling a little disconnected from life and a center of gravity. This is when I have to hone in and focus. Why am I here and am I doing what I'm really meant to do?
The last couple of weeks I've been asking myself this question. What I've found is that if I dig in deep and look at all of the moving parts, there is a multitude of richness and joy. At some point on this annual journey I seem to take, I finally get to the turnaround point.
Today was that day. I had lunch with my good friend Deena and her new beautiful baby boy. As we ate our meal and caught up I began to feel my center of gravity coming back again. I was disappointed that so much time had passed since the last time we were able to get together but so grateful for a friendship that time or distance does not affect. Without even realizing it she made me aware of the goodness I have in my life. Its a rare gift to find friends with who you can totally be yourself and feel better when you leave them.
I was fortunate enough this week to grab coffee with another good friend, Marian, and spend a morning catching up on the phone with my longtime best friend, Jennifer, both of who keep things secure and grounded.
I left my lunch today full of joy and pleased.
Really pleased with the little blessings in life that I have and centered on the reality that life's bumps are what make the ride exciting. So, what are some of the things that I'm really pleased about?
1) Seeing her in this dress.
Long story short: My mom offered me this dress shortly after Emerson was born. I declined saying it was "too country" so she sold it at a tag sale. Fast forward a few years and I began having deep regrets after seeing Emerson in some of my old clothes.
A few weeks ago I'm at Barnes & Noble on a date night and see my dress in a magazine. I reach out to the woman who owned the dress and found out she was indeed the one who purchased the dress from my mom. I offered her any amount of money to buy it back because it's the one dress from my childhood that I have many memories of wearing. She said no but agreed to loan it to me to take Emerson's photo so we currently have it on loan from California....I'm secretly hoping she'll change her mind when I put the ask out again.
For the many moments of sibling rivalry, it is the times they love--really love--that I'll always remember.
The other stuff will just be something to laugh about later.
(She wrestles with him and he loves it. She keeps him in fits of hysterical laughter.)
(Playing driveway hockey.)
(At church they are learning about Friendship. This was a project from the children's course our church uses called Orange. The task was to make one hand inaccessible by using the Friendship Fastener and discovering how you can build something great while having fun and working together.)
4) The wagon.
It was the first baby gift I received from my brother Josh who took a survey from many parents as to the best gift to give new parents.
(Hunter and Millie, October 2009 and they're still friends today.)
Its been a hit ever since.
6) This guy.
Twelve years ago Dave and I brought him home from a shelter in Harlem. The couple who gave him up gave the reason as "there will soon be a new baby in the home."
This guy is the heart of our home. He has endured more tail pulling, tight squeezing, slobbery kisses and eyeball exploring than any animal or human should have to. But, its as if he knows its all done in love so he let's them do it.
He is the first family member on our kids' mind when they come home from school and they love him with all they've got. That couple back in NYC didn't realize what they would miss out on but we're sure glad we reaped the benefits.
9) Getting to explore the world through their eyes which see the seemingly small, minuscule things through a fresh lens.
(I love that there is always at least one stray Cheerio stuck to him
at all times.)
10) Recognizing that no matter what the circumstances, each day is a new opportunity for a fresh start.
As I type this I know that I could keep listing all of the goodness in my life because that's just what it is: really good.
And for the good, good friends and family that are there for me along the way, I'm truly grateful.
"Well, there are two kinds of happiness, grounded and ungrounded. Ungrounded happiness is cheesy and not based on reality. Grounded happiness is informed happiness based on the knowledge that the world sometimes sucks, but even then you have to believe in yourself."